last night i thought alot

it has been almost a month since i updated this last.
i always come back to certain things. some of them i wish i didn't, some of them i know i should'nt, but i do.
the life i live is such a fake reality. It is life happening 110% always, flying at and right past me. This life is such a lie. I come away from this and life has not skipped a beat. But yet i'm a little more behind. Lost a few more friends. Without a little more love. Farther and farther from the life i truly want to live. but what do i know anymore... only this.

I never realized how things I am doing can really hurt people and it tears me apart.
I don't even know what else to say. I really am trying but cant find the words.

7 am and i'm in the hills of pennsylvania watching the sun come over the tree line. this is what i will turn to today. the trees, the wind, the sun, my breath.

a year from now I really feel like things will be very different.

ebdluocti tcefrepwohw enk uoy hs iwi